


The Price of Optimism

by pyroprude



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Self-Indulgent, but the rest is angst, chapter 1 is pre-relationship fluff, time skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25777294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroprude/pseuds/pyroprude
Summary: "We can do this."Oikawa thought this mantra would be his salvation, little did he know it would be his undoing.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	The Price of Optimism

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is purely self indulgent and I'm sorry in advance.

“We can do this!”

Oikawa stuck to this mantra for dear life. He started out just saying it to motivate the team before every game, and it worked… at least for a little while. It wasn’t long before those words became a prison, wrapping him in forced optimism for the sake of carrying his team. Of making sure his team was in high spirits even when they all knew it was futile to be optimistic when facing Shiratorizawa.

In his third year, facing Karasuno, it shattered in front of his eyes before they were even able to face off with their self-proclaimed rival. ‘There was no more we’ he thought as he walked off the court of the Spring Playoffs, ‘There is no more that we can do’. That day he left the gymnasium as Oikawa the captain that failed to take his team to nationals, yet again.

“We can do this.” 

Iwaizumi took up the mantra next. They were studying for their last set of finals at Aoba Johsai, trying to ignore the elephant in the room of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going to separate colleges. It was the first time they would be separated, and this was the first time Oikawa wasn’t able to hide a panic attack from Iwaizumi. He couldn’t just go to a different school, he didn’t even know if Iwaizumi would want to initiate meetups outside of needing to see him for school. Iwaizumi always seemed to be more annoyed than pleased with Oikawa anyway, it would fit that when they didn’t need to see each other for school that they just wouldn’t see each other anymore. At college Iwaizumi would find better friends and not look for company in Oikawa and Oikawa couldn’t find a way to be okay with that. He was not okay giving up his first love to new people. But those were thoughts that he kept to himself as his body shake with sobs against Iwaizumi’s chest. 

Then Oikawa’s breath stopped, he wouldn’t see Iwaizumi again after graduation and Iwaizumi wouldn’t look back as he walked home from graduation and then someone would stop Iwaizumi at the school gate to pull him aside to confess and then Iwaizumi really wouldn’t have any reason to talk to Oikawa. Hands on the side of his face pulled Oikawa from his thoughts, from this cannibalistic spiral his brain called necessary. Iwaizumi’s hands cradled Oikawa’s cheeks, gently wiping tears as they rolled down his face. There were no words shared between them, only broken sobs from Oikawa breaking the silence. Oikawa searched Iwaizumi’s face to attempt to find the meaning of the look Iwaizumi was giving his childhood friend. Oikawa had only seen glimpses of the look hidden in Iwaizumi’s eyes briefly before, and never with this intensity. Oikawa didn’t trust himself to ask what the look Iwaizumi was giving him meant without also unleashing his anxiety fueled thoughts. Oikawa was enraptured by the emotion seeping into Iwaizumi’s gaze when he uttered the words, 

“We can do this”

Oikawa repeats his mantra in his mirror before leaving to walk to school. He’s meeting Iwaizumi at their usual cafe to get some studying done before Oikawa has to go to volleyball practice. Oikawa continued to play competitively in college, playing for his varsity team his freshmen year while Iwaizumi decided to study sports medicine and manage his own college’s volleyball team. Oikawa was anxious to get through his classes today and hopefully get to the cafe before Iwaizumi. Somehow every time they meet Iwaizumi is already there, their table saved with Oikawa’s favorite coffee order waiting for him at the seat across from Iwaizumi. Oikawa was particularly nervous about their study date today because Iwaizumi had accidentally called it a date when they were planning it last week. Oikawa was going to take the leap today and finally confess to his childhood friend and ask him on an actual date.

When Oikawa made it to the cafe 30 minutes earlier than when they agreed to meet, he was surprised to find Iwaizumi already there. Oikawa set down his things and went to the counter to place his coffee order. Upon return Oikawa found out that Iwaizumi always was here an hour before they agreed to meet to get some more studying in. In that information he also revealed that usually 10 minutes before Oikawa got there Iwaizumi would order Oikawa’s coffee so it was still hot when he got there.

Oikawa did have a plan on how to confess to his first love, but his brain didn’t seem to care as he responded to Iwaizumi’s care with, 

“Hajime, I love you.”

This startled Iwaizumi from his textbooks to meet Oikawa’s gaze. In Iwaizumi’s eyes Oikawa found the same emotion that he had seen months ago when Iwaizumi brought Oikawa out of his panic attack. Only now Oikawa could place the emotion. Iwaizumi’s gaze was flooded with love, so much more than Oikawa realizes he was used to seeing.

“About time you confessed, Tooru. I still love you though.”

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter is only angst so leave while you can, or stick around is you like angst, I guess


End file.
